As said in a previous article true happiness can only be found after you have delved within yourself to find your unique strengths and abilities. Only if you know them, develop them, use them creatively to live a unique life, and start to use them for the greater good of the community, will you reach the ultimate form of happiness. The sad truth is however that most people never reach that. They get stuck in their own fight for survival, their own inner emotional battles, and their own insecurities. People are often so busy to overcome their insecurities that they never reach a healthy self-esteem, and without a healthy self-esteem there can be no growth.
If you could only forget the issues you gathered through the years, if you could only lay down the emotional injuries of the past, and if you can only work through your uncertainties, you can become a unique actualized person – a treasure for everybody around you. Instead of leaving the battles of the past behind, people fight them over and over again in their minds. All of us can be so much more. We are all unique, we all have something to share and we all can give something special to the community around us. To get that far you first have to defeat your insecurities and reach a healthy self-esteem. So how do you do that? It is a process and it is easier said than done, but the following could send you in the right direction:
Make a list of your best qualities. I know how difficult it is for a person with a low self-esteem, but give it a try. Stop thinking about trivialities like your weight, your age, your hair, your face, your job, your house, your earnings, etc. These things aren’t qualities – they get lost over time. Loyalty, friendliness, humor, and dependability are qualities that are timeless.
Do not compare these abilities or qualities with those of other people you know. This isn’t a race and nobody are competing to be the most-unique person on the planet – unique is unique and we are all equally unique with unique qualities.
Surround yourself with positive people who do not put you down, but help you to grow. The moaning crowed will always be among us, but don’t give into their negativity. Some people have a solution for every problem and others have a problem for every solution – stick to the first group.
Grow by reading books, taking courses, and attending workshops that positively influence your life. The difference between happy people and unhappy people often lies in their perspective on life. The one counts all the miseries and the other counts all the good things that happened. Often they had exactly the same kind of life, but the one is happy with his, while the other is not.
Don’t give in to negative self-talk. If you tell yourself how stupid you are, you start to believe yourself and in time you will actually become stupid. It sounds silly, but Woody Allen once said that 80% of success is just showing up. Who shows up? The one who believes that she can.
If people give you a compliment, say thank you and file what they said. If people criticize you learn from what they said and forget about it. Most of the criticism that I have heard in my life came from people who never tried to do it themselves.
Remember your successes and learn from your mistakes. Everybody falls down at some stage, but it is those who get up that finish the race. Every mistake teaches you how not to do it in future.
Be yourself. Never try to be somebody else. You can be the best you, but only the second best someone else. Remember that 50% of people will like you and 50% will not. If you try to be someone else the percentage stays the same so you might as well stick to who you really are.
Get involved in organizations that help others. The true meaning of life lies in the things we do for others. The moment you notice the miseries others experience, you will be thankful for what you have.
Never back down from a challenge if it is something you can do. If you know who you are you know what you can do. Do the things you can and leave the rest to the people with other abilities. Your self-esteem is based on the things you can do for others and actually do. People who think they know everything or think they can do everything normally have a very low self-esteem. They can’t take the idea that anybody could be better than they are. If you know who you are, know what you can do, and accept what you can and cannot do you don’t have to pretend to know it all.
As I said before, building your self-esteem is a process and it takes time. Don’t try to change a lifetime of bad feelings about yourself in one day.
Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Brand_Doubell/784130
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Dr. Brand Doubell, is a sexologist, life coach, and relationship therapist. He is co-owner and founder of the Cobrastone marriage program, the Cobragay group for helping gay people with rejection, and The Happy Clinic. His interests ranges from positive psychology to the effect of stories on healthy adapted individuals, and from gay-rights to gay spiritualism.