A few days ago my Dom (not sure if I should refer to Him as Master or Sir, rather than Dom. That’s a conversation!) invited me (I’m calling it “ordered” but he’s a good guy so it was an invite really) to a Fetish Gear night in Dublin and once clearing it with my husband (who Dom calls my “handler” – nice!, I love it!) I accepted with excitement.
Geared is Ireland’s largest and longest running fetish gear club night for the kink community and offers a full, late bar, a private smoking area and cloakroom facilities. This is a volunteer run not-for-profit night and all “kinksters” are invited, and all fetish gear is welcome.
So I had to start planning my outfit. Deciding I’m going to wear my black or rainbow kilt, some boots and a harness I was quite happy. But then I started shopping. I found a pair of bracers (or suspenders depending on where you’re from) that have four different layouts and I just had to have them. But then I had to decide on the colour. Red was my first choice so I sent a pic to my husband and he sent me a very positive reply.
I hadn’t even thought about the colour choice! Going by the handkerchief code red would say I was in to fisting. Now, as you’re aware from this blog I’m sex positive and fisting definitely has it’s place in sex. I’ve done it, both giving and taking, but it’s not something I’ve done in quite some time and at my first time at Geared I don’t think it’s something I’d want to advertise. I can’t (and won’t*) say no to my Dom but fisting is a process and I’m not ready for him to order** me to go through with it
But it made me think about the handkerchief code. Years ago I saw it actively working in bars and clubs I’d go to but I haven’t seen in ages, and I wonder do people actually know about it? Do young LGBTI+ people understand it’s significance and importance in queer culture? Or even where it came from and how it developed. If they saw someone in a bar with a handkerchief in their back pocket, on the left or right, would they know what it means?
The theory is that it started with bandanas around the neck. These were common accessories in the mid- and late-nineteenth century among cowboys, steam railroad engineers, and miners in the Western United States. The wearing of bandanas by gay men allegedly originated in San Francisco, after the Gold Rush, when, because of a shortage of women, men dancing with each other in square dances developed a code wherein the man wearing the blue bandana took the male part in the square dance, and the man wearing the red bandana took the female part.
As this trend spread across the country (and world) it replaced keys. In case you didn’t know a bunch of keys clipped to you belt told people if you were a top or a bottom. Clipped to the left meant you were a top, and the right denoted you were a bottom.
A chap called Alan Selby, the founder of Mr. S Leather in San Francisco, claims that he created the first hanky code with his business partners at Leather ‘n’ Things in 1972, to help them sell more bandanas, but in1964 Bob Damrom published a book of all the gay bars he knew from his travels across the USA. He called it “Bob Damron’s Address Book,” and in it he listed various bars, bathhouses and cruising grounds across the country, and covered all 50 states. In this book he listed the handkerchief code as he’d observed it so I’m calling bullshit on the claims from Selby.
I’d love to know, did he experience each of the codes or or did he ask the wearer what they were into? Either way it would have made for an amazing conversation and been a great opening line!
In 1980 his code looked like this:
Wants 8” +
The modern code isn’t much different with regard to the colours and their means but the variants have expanding greatly. In fact some of them aren’t even colours!
Do you use it? Would you? What would be your colours?
Me, well mine would be an absolute rainbow of colour and textures and both pockets would be full! How about you?
|Heavy SM top||Black||Heavy SM bottom|
|Bondage top||Grey||Bondage bottom|
|Safe sex top||Black with white check||Safe sex bottom|
|Light SM top||Grey with black||Light SM bottom|
|Owns a suit||Grey flannel||Likes men in suits|
|Likes black bottoms||Black with white stripes||Likes black tops|
|Latex fetish top||Charcoal||Latex fetish bottom|
|Has/takes videos||Black velvet||Will perform for the camera|
|Wants head||Light blue||Gives head|
|69’er||Robins egg blue||Anything but 69|
|Is a police officer||Medium blue||Likes police officers|
|Pilot / Cabin crew||Airforce blue||Like pilots and cabin crew|
|Sailor / Navy||Light blue with white stripe||Looking for sailors / navy crew|
|Cock & ball torturer||Teal||Cock & ball torturee|
|Likes to fist||Red||Likes being fisted|
|Shaver||Red with white stripe||Shavee|
|Is a bear||Red with black stripe||Likes bears|
|Two handed fister||Dark red||Likes being fisted with two hands|
|Fucks with a dildo||Light pink||Likes to be fucked with a dildo|
|Nipple torturer||Dark pink||Likes nipples to be tortured|
|Worships the naval||Mauve||Wants naval worshipped|
|Likes arm pits licked / sucked||Magenta||Will sick / lick arm pits|
|Likes drag queens or fems||Lavender||Is a drag queen or fem|
|Wants trans||Pink with blue and white stripe||Is trans|
|Watersports top||Yellow||Watersports bottom|
|Spits||Pale yellow||Like spit|
|Is 8”+||Mustard||Wants 8”+|
|Two looking for one||Gold||One looking for two|
|Like asian bottoms||Yellow with white stripe||Likes asian tops|
|Likes muscle bottoms||Gold lame||Wants muscle tops|
|Anything, anytime||Orange||Nothing now, just cruising|
|Wants a toe sucker||Coral||Sucks toes|
|For rent||Kelly green||Looking to buy|
|Military top||Drab green||Military bottom|
|Sex for food||Lime green||Will buy food|
|Scat top||Brown||Scat bottom|
|Is uncut||Brown lace||Like uncut|
|Is cut||Brown satin||Like cut|
|Likes latino bottoms||Brown with white stripe||Likes Latino tops|
|Wank me||White||Will wank you|
|Cums in comdon||Cream||Sucks cum from Condon|
|Likes white bottoms||White lace||Is a white bottom|
|Likes to watch||White velvet||Likes to be watched|
|Like white suckers||Light blue with white dots||Likes to suck white people|
|Likes black suckers||Light blue with black dots||Like to suck black people|
|Likes latino suckers||Light blue with brown dots||Likes to suck latino people|
|Likes asian suckers||Light blue with yellow dots||Likes to suck asian people|
|Park sex top||Red and white gingham||Park sex bottom|
|Headmaster / teacher||Brown corduroy||Student / Pupil|
|Bestialist top||Fur||Bestialist bottom|
|Wants to fuck celebrities||Silver lame||Is a celebrity|
|Has tattoos||Leopard||Likes tattoos|
|Smokes cigars||Tan||Likes cigar smokers|
|Wears boxers||Paisley||Like men in boxers|
|Skinhead top||Union Jack||Skinhead bottom|
|Outdoor sex top||Mosquito netting||Outdoor sex bottom|
*We have an amazing Dom/sub relationship and he knows my limitations and I trust him implicitly. I know that if I say no he’ll respect that and he asks before doing anything new. What I like is that he asks in a way that makes it sound like it’s order or demand but has the very clear definition of respecting my answer.
**He wouldn’t. See above.
Heart of lion, pecs like dinner plates, mind of a whore.
The reason your dad left home and the person to whom you say “You should smile more!” – Fuck off!