Frankly, I find the ‘Who Viewed You?’ feature on any of the hook-up apps homophobic, and here’s why.

Let me set the scene for you, bear with me.

There you are looking for a third for you and your other half to have some fun with. You see “Submissive” who, although you’re not in the mood to dom, looks hot and he’s only a couple of kilometres away. You look at the profile and he’s into the same things you’re in to and, thankfully, he’s into bears. Reading what he’s looking for you fit the bill and he certainly gets your motor running.

You make the first move. You tap him. Taps aren’t great but it’s a simple opening in this game of hook-up chess. He doesn’t respond but that’s okay, some people don’t respond to taps. Things are still good. So, you send a message. “Hi.” Short and to the point. Says exactly what it needs to. He doesn’t respond. That’s okay, some people want more than just a “hi.” Things are still good. You decide to send a longer message.

“How’s things?” Longer than first message. Only one extra word but you’re still right! It’s longer! It’s to the point. Says exactly what it needs to. He doesn’t respond. That’s okay, some people want more than just a “How’s things?” Things are good. You decide to send a longer message.

“Hope you’re well.” Longer than first message. Only one extra word but you’re still right! It’s longer! It’s to the point. Says exactly what it needs to but still he doesn’t respond. That’s okay, some people want more than just a “How’s things?” Things are fine. You decided to send a longer message.

“What you up to?” Longer than first message. Only one extra word but you’re still right! It’s longer! It’s to the point. Says exactly what it needs to but still he doesn’t respond. That’s okay, some people want more than just a “What you up to?” Things are okay. You decide to send a longer message.

“What are you looking for?” Longer than first message. Only one extra word but you’re still right! It’s longer! It’s to the point. Says exactly what it needs to but still he doesn’t respond. That’s not okay, some people want more than just a “What are you looking for?” but after a tap and four previous messages what else is he looking for? You decided he’s no longer online. Yes, the green dot still there but he’s obviously gone, or he’d reply. You move on the next person.

SuckU80. Interesting name that has potential. You make the first move. You tap him. Taps aren’t great but it’s a simple opening in this game of hook-up chess.

And so the dance starts again and ends the same way. No replies, no contact nothing.

On to number three.

And then number four… five… six and so on.

It’s not a problem that people don’t reply. People are busy or not necessarily online and of course sometimes – rarely – they don’t reply because they aren’t interested.

The next day you open the app and of the six people you messaged two have replied. One says “Sorry, just visiting,” and the other sends a cock pic which – for me – is a bit of a turn off. Don’t get me wrong, I like cock, but I don’t want it to be the way you say hello.

The other four people you messaged haven’t replied and then you notice the ‘Who Viewed You?’ button.

DO NOT EVER PRESS THAT BUTTON!

It hates you. It hates everything about you. It doesn’t like your sense of style, you mannerisms or your tone of voice. If the ‘Who Viewed You?’ button was a teenager it’d give you the finger and call you gay. If it was an adult it’d be a member of the vile LGB Alliance!

This button is homophobic.

These apps are wonderful at giving you hook up options. Finding people from all walks of life who have similar interests who are looking for fun.

But the apps are also awful.

I have transient body image issues. By that I mean one morning I wake up and say “Hello world I’m fucking sexy and hot and everyone wants to fuck me!” but then the next day I’m “I’m not getting out bed, I’m a fat twat, I’m hideous, no one wants to look at me!” I’m lucky that it changes, sometimes daily, sometimes by the hour.

Now imagine those fears and others aren’t transient. They’re here to stay. The second someone doesn’t reply what is my first thought? Yep, you guessed it “They hate me because I’m fat!” You probably think that doesn’t happen. Trust me, it does. It really fucking does and it really fucking hurts.

Now to add to that hurt I have a special button I can click on to see all the hot guys that looked at me and decided to move on. They didn’t even say hello or tap me. And now to make things worse I get to be rejected by even those I’d reject! It’s soul destroying!

Not only am I not good enough for the ones I consider hot, I’m not good enough for the ones I’d reject! Those feelings are a special kind of shit and bring around another low I could have done without.

The ‘Who Viewed You?’ button is more homophobic than Margaret Thatcher! Get fucking rid of it!